Monday 22 October 2012

Holy Matrimony (Church of England style.)

I assure you the following is not a joke, but actual fact, however hard to believe. This shows how silly the Church has become as those having positions of influence show how irresponsible they are

The Church of England has set out what it calls radical plans to change the way in which it conducts weddings. It is claimed it will ‘modernise’ the service by replacing traditional aspects with what in reality are fancy gimmicks.

Some of the proposals suggested include having biker weddings, where motorcycle enthusiasts, often clad in leather, are transported to church on vintage bikes.

Vicars should even be encouraged to officiate over underwater weddings, where the bride and groom exchange vows in a pool,
couples wearing traditional formal dress over diving suits, they and Vicars having oxygen masks and using special microphones so the couple’s vows can be clearly heard.

Another idea is to have a trained owl to swoop down the aisle with the rings in its talons, which it delivers to the best man. (I kid you not)

A bride could ride to the church on her favourite horse, with the horse remaining inside for the ceremony.

hould not be ruled out. The Bishop of Jarrow stated, they'll be like Posh and Becks for just one day. And I think God can cope with that. And if God can cope with that, it's probably up to me to try to cope with it as well."

VicEmulating the wedding of David and Victoria Beckham’s 1999 marriage in Ireland, golden thrones, sars should also consider allowing a couple’s children to walk down the aisle with them, or include existing children by incorporating a baptism or thanksgiving for a birth.

Vicars should give couples greater freedom in their choice of music, allowing pop songs, such as Here Come the Girls, by the Sugababes, Cosmic Love, by Florence and the Machine, or the theme from BBC Radio 4’s Test Match Special.

The use of cameras with professional photographers being allowed to run freely around the Church, and videos during the ceremony it is urged should be relaxed, but the authors seem to have overlooked the fact that copyright can be involved here

Vicars should stop telling people not to do things. In other words, just allow a free for all where things can get out of control.

On the big day, vicars should refresh their selection of wedding jokes. Now we are to be stand up comedians. (that would be a turn-off)

Findings of the review have been set out in a new book written by Gillian Oliver, the Church’s former head of communications and development, and claims married couples are more likely to become churchgoers if they have been allowed to personalise their ceremony.
"If a couple feel that it's their wedding, they are more likely to feel it's their church," states The Church Weddings Handbook. "And if they feel it's their church, they are more likely to keep coming back." Anyone who seriously believes this has never conducted a wedding or baptism. Churches are chosen for their ‘nice settings’ by many couples.

The conclusions are said to be endorsed by the Archbishop of York, Dr John Sentamu, who, in a foreword, describes the changes as "dynamite". He says that vicars have become "over familiar" with weddings and have "lost touch" with how daunting a traditional ceremony can seem to couples. Perhaps this explains why there is reluctance to appoint him as the next Archbishop of Canterbury. I admit he was my hope.

I am amazed these ridiculous proposals, suggested by someone who has never been a Vicar, and supported by those who should show more common sense, have not been taken up by other papers with less respect than the Telegraph.

What seems to have been overlooked is that weddings are described in Church official language as the Solemnization of HOLY Matrimony.
Can you imagine ‘here come the girls’ by the Sugababes being classified as holy?

Whilst it is generally accepted by society that couples have children out of marriage, the Church should not be seen to be actively encouraging the practice. Hardly a moral stance.

The only thing missing from this parody is a bar selling drinks to keep the audience happy and provide refreshment when the registers are being signed, plus a set of clowns to complete the circus, but then again only clowns of a sort could make these proposals.

When you read such proposals put forward as a serious proposition, it is easy to understand why the Church of England is held with so little regard by the general population.

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